This last week I have been very sick with a sinus and ear infection. I have discovered in my recovery that illness is a huge trigger for me. Not because I plan to act out when I am sick but because it depresses me that I cannot get as much done around the house, that I can't participate in my usual activities, that all I want to do is sleep. I often "forget" to study my scriptures, say meaningful prayers during these times of illness. Well needless to say Satan is super super good at getting me down, I'm learning but slowly, to make sure I don't stop doing the things that keep me close to the Lord even when I am sick.
Satan is so super smart that he knows that I may not act out when I am sick that he inflicts me with user dreams over and over and over. I know this is very common during recovery especially at the beginning. The last couple of nights I have had such realistic dreams about sex and pornography that I wake up afraid, hurt, scared and down right freaked out. I have realized it is because I don't say as sincere prayers. For a long time I prayed every night to allow my dreams to be uplifting. I am one of those that remembers my dreams very often and very vividly. In the past when I had dreams like this it would most often lead to me acting out, sometimes even seeking to act out the things I would dream about. This last week those prayers have been non-existent, so I have had less protection while I sleep. Last night I awoke about 2 a.m. after a very vivid dream. I was in a cold sweat, and literally frozen in my bed. I was afraid to look around in the darkness because I could feel such negative spirits around me. I laid there frozen in fear for about half an hour then I had the thought come to me, "It's okay, you didn't do anything wrong, it was a dream, you are not punished for it, don't punish yourself." I then got up, knelt beside my bed and prayed. Immediately the dark spirit I was feeling was gone. I know this is very simple act and I know that this seems so plain and obvious but for me it was such a powerful experience. I am so grateful that the Lord is there in all things for us, the simple things and the big things. I was able to go back to sleep peacefully and not be afraid to sleep again. I was blessed that I didn't even remember any other dreams I had the rest of the night. I am so grateful that God is so good. He is always there, just waiting for us to ask
Satan is so super smart that he knows that I may not act out when I am sick that he inflicts me with user dreams over and over and over. I know this is very common during recovery especially at the beginning. The last couple of nights I have had such realistic dreams about sex and pornography that I wake up afraid, hurt, scared and down right freaked out. I have realized it is because I don't say as sincere prayers. For a long time I prayed every night to allow my dreams to be uplifting. I am one of those that remembers my dreams very often and very vividly. In the past when I had dreams like this it would most often lead to me acting out, sometimes even seeking to act out the things I would dream about. This last week those prayers have been non-existent, so I have had less protection while I sleep. Last night I awoke about 2 a.m. after a very vivid dream. I was in a cold sweat, and literally frozen in my bed. I was afraid to look around in the darkness because I could feel such negative spirits around me. I laid there frozen in fear for about half an hour then I had the thought come to me, "It's okay, you didn't do anything wrong, it was a dream, you are not punished for it, don't punish yourself." I then got up, knelt beside my bed and prayed. Immediately the dark spirit I was feeling was gone. I know this is very simple act and I know that this seems so plain and obvious but for me it was such a powerful experience. I am so grateful that the Lord is there in all things for us, the simple things and the big things. I was able to go back to sleep peacefully and not be afraid to sleep again. I was blessed that I didn't even remember any other dreams I had the rest of the night. I am so grateful that God is so good. He is always there, just waiting for us to ask
